No Buck for You!

Maybe all for the best. I didn't have a thing to wear!!

ps. velvet underground. july 16th. it's official.

Bull / China Shop

Edie Brickell may have been onto something.

At least when you're alone you don't have to worry about letting people down.

I try to be honest and i just end up feeling like a shit head moron. I'm gonna work harder at keeping my mouth shut.

High Fidelity

Secret House Against The World ~ Buck 65

Buck's new record came out yesterday, and I couldn't resist picking it up. I haven't fully listened to it yet although it is in heavy rotation, too pressed for time. I'm squeezing it in between responsibilities. I really love lots of it, and am waiting for the rest of it to seep in.

I'm living in the burbs. Really hardcore burbs, houses made of ticky tacky piled on top of each other with no privacy and a very cute dog named Lucky. I get the use of the minivan.

I'm trying to use the time there to help me make a major transition and overcome a big hurdle. I am impressed that it actually seems to be working. Every day I feel good. And every day I feel better.

Bring it on.

Hold the Date

People seem to have enjoyed the parties at the Mothership.

I'm planning to unveil the Velvet Underground.

July 16th sounds good... stay tuned.

Ungrateful

I'm feeling swarmed.

I'm not good with happy mediums. I strive for them, but they are always just out of reach. I seem to be up up up or down down down. This change can come within 30 minutes. And as a result, i find myself too often in situations i don't want to be in. The alternative is being a bitch, or (my preferred method) avoidance.

I don't know how to express how i feel without sounding like a bitch who can't appreciate that people like her. But that is sort of how i do feel. Like i stick my neck out a little and be nice to people and suddenly they want to suck me in and have access to me 24/7, and pop in and hang out and smoke dope and drink coffee or make plans....

i can't do it!

I am trying to achieve a foot-hold here. I do want to meet new people, i do want to do new things, i do want to be social but why does everybody always seem to take over? It's exhausting, and it just makes me want to be an anti-social hermit. It makes me turn my phone off, ignore my doorbell and keep the curtains drawn. It makes me lie.

Mainly it makes me cringe. I have been trying to clean my place, really clean it and organize myself here for months. I am the only one to blame for the lack of progress. If it is sunny, i forego the housework for the lounge chair. If I am rich, i forego the dishes for the record store. And so it goes. But i get to a point where it's not an option, or a joke anymore. I need my space to myself for more than 4 hours at a time so that i can live here and move forward and not feel so freaked out about not getting my own life accomplished. Hanging out is fun, and i am glad people like me, but sometimes i just have to say no. Maybe that's because I'm cranky and i just want to have a bath, maybe it's because cleaning my toilet actually IS more important to me than dollar drinks at the dome. Maybe I'm just not that into you.

Fuck. I can't even buy a gram of weed in less than an hour. Shouldn't I be able to get off work, want a puff, call the dude, get the stuff and carry on with my night? No. I even have my life worked out so that exchange can take the better part of a day when your day starts late in the morning and ends in the mid-afternoon.

And to top it all off, mr. neighborhood cutie pants was spied carrying a picture of a girl in his wallet.

And that, my friends, is why I'm the Queen of the Underground. It's the only place for some respite, and even here it is tough to get sometimes.

Exile On Main St.

...is going on my top ten list for sure.

Dear Abby

Dear Abby,

There is a very cute guy who lives in my neighborhood. I see him around here & there and he is a frequent customer at the ASS. Oh Abby, what am i to do!? I want to know his name and sit down and have a beer with him. I know i said it should be easy to pick up at the grocery store, but i was wrong, there are always lineups, or other people that know me trying to talk while i am trying to flirt. It's hopeless. Hopeless!! I saw this dude THREE TIMES today while i was out and about with my pal. I think the universe is trying to tell me something! I knew, i just knew he would come into the store tonight (pretty good odds, since he is practically a daily shopper)... anway when he FINALLY showed up and came through my lane (I had no customers!), we started to chit-chat and then another friend of mine got in line, joined the conversation and blammo! cutie pants was gone. Oh my achy breaky heart. Somebody, please tell me how to grow some balls!!!
(while remaining 100% lady, of course).

xoxo

China Pig

Ha ha hey hey. I did something i have been longing to do, and that is get drunk and go see a great rock band. those who know me well will say "well, haven't you done that enough yet?" and to those people I say

NO!!!!

Never, never never willl i have had "enough" of that.

i have missed my wife/sister/pal lately, and i made this date with her long ago, when i heard our old pal mark green was going to be playing at bearly's this weeeknnd.

Yes.

I am now listening to the stones, i have had a few gin & frescas, and a few rum and cokes, and a few spins around the floor.

i feel great. i felt great all day today.

is it because i own my mind again? it is hard not to think that.

aside from sleeping, i spent the waking parts of my day today going through old photos & letters. it was a blast. a trip. a happeninggggggg. (man, i am quite inebriated).

anyway, i am just here to tell you that things are good, really good. And mark green at bearly's is really good. did you know he lives in montreal now? he has lived there for 6 months, which explains why he doesn't play as much as he used to. he moved to montreal to be closer to his kids. that is so cool. he loooks great. the show was great. we only caught the second set, becuase, as usual, we got caught here drinking and talking and all the rest of it.

Alcholhol and rock and roll -- they might be a crutch. they might be "bad". But here it is:
i love'em. i am not going to stop loving 'em. I love 'em. I love watching those sounds be created, i love shakin' my hips, i love hangin' out in my hood, i love the rockers.

i love it all. i am in love with the things that have seen me through so far,and the things that keep me going. rock, booze, drugs, pals, lovers, all of it.

i am really quite intoxicated and not expressing myself in any linear manner. usually when i post in an altered state of mind, i correct typos and organize thoughts. today i say FUCK IT!

i'm loving life the past couple of days and i want to ride the wave. mark green and my sidekick extrodinaire have helped to fuel the fire. Thanks dudes.

in the calm and rational states of mind where i discredit things like rock songs, and moments, and people, may i always remember how profoundly those things affect me.

love baby, love.

Top O' The Mornin'

It's 7:31 am. My coffee is cold.

That's right kids, i made coffee about an hour ago.

Up so early!?

No, not gone to bed!!

I tried, but sleep was not forthcoming. So i got up. And made coffee. And played Insaniquarium while listening to insanely good music.

Now I'm gonna do the dishes and get on with the day. It's sure to be an interesting one. I'm hoping for a mid-afternoon nap.

NewsFlash!

Well, i have breaking news for y'all... i have finally figured out how to include links on my blog, and so now on the left hand side, under the archives, keep on scrollin' and you shall find many places to waste time on the web.

In other news, there is no news. Thanks for tuning in.

Nesting

I am in total Martha Stewart mode. I just want plants and cool stuff for my kitchen, and more counter space & more cupboard space, and paint touch-ups. I can't be sated. I want to buy a house!!

Today I left the ass only about $10 over budget, and complete with a new colander, oven mitt, tea towel, and dishcloth along with some stuff to eat.

I was hoping to buy some veggie transplants and get a little green space happening out back, but it looks like that will have to wait until next week. For some reason, the thought of growing my own onions makes me oddly excited.

Ad Nauseum

Ran into an old friend at work tonight...No, i'm not going. No, i wasn't invited. No, i am not angry or pissed off about that. Yes, in fact, we did have a scrap or two.

I'd be lying if i said it wasn't on my mind, but i wouldn't have it any other way.
If it must, it must.

Actual feelings here are a thing of the past. I just want the weekend to be over.

Smells Like Ass

And to top it all off, i was convinced i worked a 5-10 break shift tonight.... but i just went down to work to discover that i am actually on cash from 6-11. So here i am at home, ready for another sandwich, and looking forward muchly to this dumb day being over.

Crusty

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, literally. My insane dream was interrupted at a turning point when there was a knock on the window. I decided to ignore it, i wasn't ready to get up yet. i wanted to finish the dream. i wanted to be alone and drink some coffee. again, the knock. not a familiar knock (my peeps have knocks), not a knock i was expecting. i groaned, and hopped up to peek out the window. there was a buddy from the ASS, with coffee & muffins. i let her in and started the day.

it's nice of people to pop in sometimes. but sometimes i feel assaulted. i should be having a marvellous day because somebody was kind enough to bring me morning tonic, but instead i am agitated and cranky, restless and stressed.

and now i am off to work. this day is a complete write off. ugh. more sun, please. i need a re-charge.

Erased

Here’s my vow to you
I’ll stay away

Nobody Complains

Well, when the water stopped coming down from the sky, the sun came out and shone gloriously on the harbour town. Everybody's mood improved tenfold in less than 24 hours. i managed to haul the lounger out a few times and catch some rays. It was groovy.

I was gonna go to see Dan's band (Janus) play at Reflection's last wednesday after work, but the timing didn't work out and then i decided to just stay at home and listen to some music. but andrea & robert came to pound on the window and managed to convince me to go up to clyde street for a doob down and a possible foray to the thirsty duck (the thirsty duck!? i don't think so!). anyway, we went to the duck to hear dan's sister heather play in open mic night. it was a bizarre experience for me, because i realized what it must have been like for random people who popped into hell on sundays. anyway, wednesday night was passable in so much that it was "outside the box" and i didn't spend the night stoned in front of the computer.

Thursday was payday, which is always fun for about ten minutes until i pay some bills and realize i have no money left. I left the house early in the day but instead of turning left on hollis (towards groceries and tabs at the corner store), i turned right (towards Sam's & CD Plus). I had my heart set on a Howlin' Wolf CD. I not only picked up one of those, but finally acquired Clayton Park, which has been in heavy rotation. I also snatched up the Sam's 2004 compliation CD, for posterity more than anything else. The Howlin' CD is over produced and not what i was looking for at all, which was a bummer.

I missed out on the "new seattle" phase of Halifax...i was never that into Sloan or Jale or Thrush Hermit, yadda yadda yadda. In June of 2002, Ash & i drove to Toronto and we listened to Clayton Park late at night, between Edmunston & Riviere du Loup somewhere. It rocked. I haven't listened to it since. But since i bought it last week, i have listened to it more than a countable number of times. I love it. There will be more Hermit in my future (maybe when it's GST cheque season again).

Thursday was my day off, and i was very productive - running errands, buying cd's, paying bills and loving walking around in the sunshine. Then i remembered i was supposed to meet the Summit gang at the triangle! That was great and followed by a fun night at Tribeca where i was more than entertained by Tyler Messick, Benn Ross and Brent Randall (et al) .

After two fabulous days in the sun, the weekend was dedicated to the ASS. I even worked yesterday, spending six lovely hours scrubbing down the dairy & freezer cases with some of my esteemed coworkers.

Today the doorbell rang insistently and it didn't sound like anybody i knew, so i answered it. It was Canada Post, with a box full of goodies from Korea!!! Better than christmas.

I feel pretty solitary in general; got a few things on my mind that aren't worth writing about, and a determination (somewhat) to finally get the Velvet Underground cleaned up in order to precipitate a further cleansing of the mind.

...nobody's resentful...for the gift of life;
so uneventful.